Skip to main content

Morning Meditation - An Instructive Image

Image result for saving private ryan capt. john miller
This morning as I was meditating I suddenly found myself thinking of this scene from Steven Spielberg's masterpiece, Saving Private Ryan:

Tom Hanks's character, Captain John Miller, has just survived storming the beach at Normandy on D-Day. Now he's visiting battalion headquarters to report to his commanding officer. As he waits, he can't help but notice the soldiers around him, all clerks, enjoying hot shaves, hot coffee, and roast beef sandwiches. He's been cold and wet and surviving on C rations for days. Can you blame him for being a little envious of the pogues? He's the one risking his life in combat, he's the one swimming high seas of terror and horror in order to accomplish his mission, but there are no comforts provided for him. Only yet another mission.

It doesn't seem fair, does it? He's earned those small luxuries a hundred times over. Compared to him, a commander of an elite platoon of infantry, these men hardly rate as soldiers.

But he doesn't waste time with resentment. Part of what makes him special is his ability to do without those things. To complain that he wants his fair share would be to dishonor himself. More importantly, indulging that discontent would degrade his ability to carry out the orders he's given.  

Whinging makes you combat ineffective. Which is what my unconscious mind was reminding me by summoning this image. Yes, I'm lonely. Yes, I have all kinds of great qualities, and I deserve some love and affection and a home. Sometimes when I see happy couples, young families, I think, God, I want that so fucking bad.

But the nature of my work--exploring phonomancy, teaching others how to do what I do, through method and disciplined effort--means that I can't have those things. If I want to do my part to save the world, I'll have to do without them. So I tell myself, Some day, and then get on with it.

I do that knowing that "some day" might actually mean "next lifetime." That's where belief and faith come into play. Swallowed by maya, it's very difficult to believe that there will be a next life, let alone that my efforts now will pay dividends then. That's something else that makes me the best me I can be: knowing how unlikely it is, but choosing to believe anyway.

Like any effort, this costs energy. It causes strain. But the point of spiritual training is to become strong enough so that one can bear a burden for as long as is necessary. That's how one becomes beautiful in the eyes of the Goddess. Can you hear me, Harrison Bergeron?

It's not enough to endure privation stoically, either. What I'm really being tasked with is enduring with grace and good humor. This does not come all that naturally to me. Inculcating those qualities is part of my process of self-actualization. And now I've got an image for the man I want to be: Capt. John Miller, Company C, 2nd Ranger Battalion, 29th Infantry Division.


Popular posts from this blog

A New Way to Use Psychedelics

I want to tell you about my approach to working with psychedelics, because I think I'm breaking new ground. If you or someone you know is working along similar lines, get in touch. I want to talk with you.
For now, at least, I'm calling this approach "phonomancy," meaning "divination via sound." If you're a recreational user, it likely won't appeal to you. If you're someone who's dipping your toe in the psychedelic water via microdosing, or someone who is primarily interested in using psychedelics to treat trauma, depression, or addiction issues, you might find the practice I'm going to describe off-putting or even alarming. That's because phonomancy is not therapeutic--it's augmentative. It's a program for developing supra-normative emotional and spiritual capacities via psychological hormesis. Some risk, pain, and fear are part of the process. But that's the price of transformation.


"One Weird Trick to Achieve Salvation!"

It's still inchoate, but this weekend I received a novel and possibly very useful new image of the Goddess. It was She Who is Not There, a three-dimensional hole in the world in the shape of the wife I never found. It inspired an epiphany:
Your "heart" is part of the perceptual apparatus of your consciousness, like your mind. And like your mind, it always has an object of its apprehension.

If, like William H. Macy in "Magnolia," you feel like you have love to give and nowhere to put it, if you're dying inside because you've got no one to love, understand that the pain you're feeling is a sure sign you *do* love Someone, a Transcendental Person who feels the same way about you, only times infinity. Your heart sees Her, even if you cannot.

So I offer you one weird trick to achieve salvation. All you need to do is reframe your suffering to recognize that your longing is proof that She is real, and you will be delivered. Loneliness is a strange attracto…

191109 - Ceremony Debrief - The StereoMyth, the Anne Frank Working, and the Sacred Marriage of Jesus and Mary - Part One

 It's 6:24AM. Last night you conducted a private phonomantic ceremony in your garage. How do you feel right now?

Considering that I only slept for a couple of hours, and that my body is supercharged with energy to the point of restless discomfort, I feel great. And exhausted. And wonderfully hopeful regarding what comes next. Last night was a smashing success.

What were the highlights?

Before I get going with the recap, I need to explain how much I don't want to be writing this. Resistance is like a spongy invisible forcefield through which I must slog in order to get this on "paper." So, my apologies if my prose is a bit fractured or terse.

Last night's ceremony was structured differently than the Shamanic Cabaret. The Cabaret is three rituals in one: a rite of transformation (The StereoMyth), a rite of purification (the Transcendental Disco), and a rite of atonement (The Anne Frank Working).

The StereoMyth is all about embodying masculine, warrior energy. You go…