Hey! Here's the report I filed for the phonomantic rite held on Sunday, May 30th, 2021.
And here is the transcription of my narration of my experience:
“Up and Atom”
This was noteworthy for two reasons.
Before the song started, I was confronted with Resistance in the form of an African tribal deity. Its initial presentation was as a swarm of brown and black beads streaming out of the jungle. These resolved into tiny gorilla heads, and then these gathered into a massive ball that became the head of an idol. It was utterly opposed to me—it had something to do with racial grievance. And I engaged it and told it was right to be pissed, but that I would work to make things right.
So I moved on, and in the context of working with the song, I started to see a white glow in the bottom periphery of my awareness. She was a sun. I could feel it roaring through. There was a sense that I was enclosing it, like a Dyson sphere, and I was absorbing as much of the energy as I could take. And then it shifted gears and it was gone and I did NOT want it to be over.
But the instruction was, you have the power to tap into that feeling, at any time. It’s just a matter of belief. Believing that it’s possible, and knowing that she’s there for you. You’ll start to feel it, in the face of all Resistance and disbelief.
“Blood and Thunder”
Visualizing that I’m part of the audience for this. That I’m just another participant, rather than the person leading. Having the experience. Visualizing the light show, and the phonomancers go-go dancing, and the multiple screens. I’m watching the effect it has on me.
Like, in “Blood and Thunder,” I was singing the chorus along with the lead phonomancer. But not just with him, at him, I was screaming the chorus at him, and he at me, and those energies combined. You’re creating a moment together. It’s SO AWESOME.
I broke through, in a big way, during “Three Days.” It was remarkable, I could feel the energy suddenly come in and start to propel my limbs, instead of me doing the work, and then God, it was so easy and fun. And all you’re really doing is choosing how to tune and redirect that energy, always keeping in mind that you are giving thanks to Her. And in this case, an entity visited (he kind of looked like an obsidian hippopotamus) and made a request, like someone calling a radio disc jockey to make a dedication. “Send this one out to Ishtar,” and I did, and things got fully Babylonian! Ishtar was his Goddess, and he wanted to see my reaction to Her with that song, so I tried to give him his money’s worth! I really concentrated on my physical sensations. That was my performance. As a performer I became very interested in the finer details of my execution.
“Don’t Look Back”
Oh my god, I’m having this hilarious vision of a hundred million bubbles of fluid with big googly eyes. They are baby spirits, and I’m being charged with growing them into superheroes. It’s like a Pixar movie.
Ah, they got me!
The climax Don’t Look Back was going to be this grand celestial event, and then I got cross-blocked and tackled like a football player, right at the very end. Resistance took me down and stood over me like, “YEAH, BITCH! IN YOUR FACE!” It wasn’t bad enough to throw me off my game, but bad enough to ruin the aesthetic impact. So the lesson is, constant vigilance. Wherever that came from, you have a blind spot there. So got back and find it and don’t let that happen again.
This was a very convincing vision of this practice unfolding over several centuries, and how people in epoch after epoch would keep finding ways to connect to these songs. They would feel them and sing them because they touch something common to their experience, even in the 23rd century, in these super sophisticated sci fi discos that are all light shows and holograms and augmented reality. All carefully designed for the participant. It’s not about the phonomancers, they are there to give a show that make the audience go WHOA and access deity.
It was nice to see a vision of young kids in their Sunday best coming to GET DOWN, knowing what the goals were, knowing how to hit the targets of emotion. It’s not a matter of telling people how to feel, it’s like, “Do you want to feel this way? Like this? Wouldn’t you like to feel this way? Well, it’s going to require a little bit of work. It’s going to require some actual belief. You’ll have to make a conscious effort to believe something irrational. If you’re willing to leap that gap between what you know and what you can imagine, you can accomplish a lot of interesting things.
You’re doing such a great job. I’ve got to admit that I’ve still got 5 or 10% unhealed. There’s a still a strong sense that Resistance is dampening the effects of the mushrooms.
It is a party, even if it’s just by yourself, Pa. The other thing you’ve been doing well is imagining yourself with compatriots. Imagining yourself onstage, checking in with your helpers, who are these beautiful women who can really dance, really throw down. They’re my team. Early on, they came to me and said, “Look, we’re never going to sleep with you, but we want to be on your team. Let’s make this thing.”
All I need is a squad. A few people to believe in me, and we’ll take over the world.
By the way, you got your approval from on high. I mean, it’s the same message as always. There were a number of moments when I could really see this working as a religion, where people would know the exact practice. How to try to feel at each moment. It’s all been explained to them. In those moments, the thought comes, “This IS amazing, this IS going to work, it IS going to happen, the money is on its way, so just relax and try to enjoy yourself. It’s all about to happen the way you’ve imagined it.”
That’s what they say. *shrug*
“Could This Be Magic”
It started, and I knew it was going to be good. I was already open.
As Barry Manilow was singing, I started having visions of
a workshop, a super science fictional workshop. And this being I couldn’t see
was fashioning a goddess for me to adore. He was a sculptor. Was it
Pygmalion who created a sculpture of a woman and fell in love with it? Yeah. It
was kind of like that.
I realized, this is going to be presented to me as my object of adoration. Who do I want to look at? And I ran through a roster of faces. In the moment, I was going to make a decision of who I was going to work with. I settled on a portrait of Emma Watson, the actress who plays Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies. I thought of her as a person—specifically, the character Hermione, who is, in a sense, a person I know. Not the actress, the character, I fell in love with her. In first person, and hard. From the movies I knew her personality, her history, so she felt real, and she was so achingly beautiful. How could I not be helplessly in love with her? That became this act of adoring her, pulling emotion from the music and projecting it on this imaginary person. It turned into this titanic, overwhelming experience. The visionary experience didn’t keep up—in fact, it kind of turned drab and ugly—but the emotion just kept getting stronger and stronger.
Just raw power. A roar so loud, you can’t even catch the emotional tone. But it’s love. It’s the attraction the Divine has to all its creation—it’s all One, it wants to be one with all. It calls to us to come home. That’s the sound that’s so loud you can’t even hear it. Until it diminishes itself to the point you can finally make it out, and it’s so astounding.
As you gain consciousness of it, you move closer to it, and eventually you either plunge into it and are extinguished, or you find a way to hold yourself at a distance, work with it in a way that’s beyond just raw survival. Then you become an artist working at a very high level, filtering that energy through your consciousness, creating an aesthetic experience, an image you can broadcast to everyone coming up behind you as a beacon they can follow home.
I’m just describing my visions as they come to me. There’s no thought behind this. So I’m sorry if there are any holes in the plot or lapses in logic. Remember, I’m super fucking high on mushrooms right now 😊
"The Anne Frank Working"
Definitely doing the work under combat conditions.
Got hit up by Resistance at the end, some neighborhood thuggy tough guys, the likes of which I haven’t actually seen in Portland.
You fought your way through, you’re feeling great. Resistance is still a thing, it’s always going to be a thing. You just have to keep training with it. You can’t let the fact that you have to go through that make you resentful. They’re letting that higher energy in at certain intervals. But it is training, so they are dialing down the stuff you depend on, the visions and whatnot, to see what you can generate to close the gap. You’ve got to bring it from your energy. That’s the lay of the land.
Pretend you’re Deadpool, Pa. Pretend you’re Ryan Reynolds’ character. That might come surprisingly easy for you.
“King of Carrot Flowers”
Just opened into celestial energy! Interesting!
OH MY GOD DUDE
Mountain Song was FUCKING INSANE. You perform it as God singing to Jesus. Being that energy, those aspects of God, just strutting Horned God energy. WHOA!
Ha okay, you need a breather, a second to catch your breath. I had to sit down for the last eight bars of Brown Sugar, I just got too tired. That song was dominated by the Horned One strutting. All the problematic things about the song are just the frisson. It’s so hot, so campy, the Horned One imagining himself as Mick Jagger. Trying to channel that energy as you perform that song. You imagine yourself as Mick Jagger so perfectly it’ll just happen on its own, and somehow you’ll have tapped into the Akashic Record of that moment, accessed the coordinate of consciousness point where Mick Jagger’s subject experience and memories of that song are stored.
Now let’s do some work for the Goddess, shall we?
Definitely need a break.
God that song was awesome and hilarious to have that song sung to Jesus by the prostitute who is also his mother. You make a music video of this story, it’s like Moulin Rouge, Mary has been introduced. You know what their real relationship is. She’s this seductress, he’s this scared kid, she’s prowling after him. Too fun.
Nothing spectacular visionary-wise, but incredible emotional work, and some new ideas and concepts, right? All in all and awesome day.
“Mesh Gear Fox”
SO AWESOME. There was something I was supposed to remember…
The culture has provided us with ready made images for our goddesses. All these young actresses. Pick one that appeals to you. Imagine her as playing a role: the Goddess. So you’re not worshipping the actress, but what her image represents. You can project on her all the qualities you’ve absorbed from the roles you’ve seen her play. You have this love for this imaginary personal. You can take that as far as you want. That’s where people are going with tulpamancy, isn’t it? If you pour enough attention into an archetypal complex, it can take on a life of its own and you can have a relationship with it.
“God Only Knows”
Before “Could This Be Magic”
Images of wind starting to gather. A storm is coming.
That song delivered for sure.
It wasn’t super visual, the mushrooms are spent, but my imagination is still super vivid.
So imagining that song being sung by Mary over Jesus corpse, then going through the process of preparing and burying the body, then standing by his open grave as they are carrying in the body, then sitting next to him in the dark, crying out in love for someone who can never come back to her. It’s going to be a showstopping moment. A fantastic way to use the energy of that song. It’ll make a star out of somebody.
I never really broke through into that exalted space of belief. I’ve experienced titanic energies, but the came without those overwhelming visionary moments. I was able to direct that energy toward specific images of the divine with good results. But as marvelous as that is, it’s just not the same as making that connection and having something novel and numinous sent down the network to you from a higher level.
I’m getting reassurances. I’m nourished, but not sated.
I will say that as a creative venture, its been a ceremony par excellence.
“Beauty in Falling Leaves”
“Stairway to Heaven”
Hold on a second. Let me collect my wits.
Stairway to Heaven was a revelation. I guess I’ve never really heard music through good headphones before. There was just so much more stereo information to be marveled at. That song has that build.
And the guitar solo was like an invocation of Artemis! And when Plant comes in wailing at the climax, it was all about Her. I imagine a whole group of people doing that together, it’ll be SO FUCKING AMAZING.
All we need is the venture capital. I guess the plan is still moving forward. My vision gets a little more complete each time.
I haven to wonder why I can’t get as high as I used to. I can’t tell if it’s just Resistance…I think it really is. I have to work so hard to get past this force trying to stop me, I burn off a lot of energy.
It was another training mission. A systems check.
I am feeling a certain level of reserve about it.
It’s a baldly pleaded need to the powers that be: “I don’t have anyone to encourage me down here. I can tell myself things are going well, but that’s still a closed loop—it still costs me energy. I don’t have any energy coming in from outside. Which is fine, but I could really use your support."
I was trying to come to terms with feeling cheated. I am depending on them, and I don’t understand why it’s being withheld. In fact, I had an image a number of times of Ma toying with me sexually. She wouldn’t let me come. She was being withholding—how do you feel about it?
There’s no thinking about it. They have their reasons for what they do. You won’t always understand. But it’s foolish to do anything other than accept in faith and hope and trust that this is a process that is benefiting you.
It’s a little humiliating to be reminded of what your real position is. But the only thing you have control over is how you feel about it. Your attitude. So get it right.
It’s better to make a decision to not dwell on that resentment.
AC DC is simply the best music to banish demons to.
Fittingly enough, it ended with an entity demanding I hold a certain pose. And he had some authority, so I agreed to hold it until the end of the Hedwig song. And then he ended wafting away.
Oh yeah, kind of like the Ganesh image that came blundering in during Yob. He could be really useful—a great bulwark against Resistance. But you’ll really have to spend some time meditating on that godform if you’re going to get any use out of it.