As ever, the early part of the evening was rough. By the end of the Invocation, I was already experiencing invasive thoughts: This was a bad idea. You shouldn't be doing this. Give up. Go lie down. The Fear was on me all the way through "Used for Glue."
I know this because in this ceremony, I resumed an old practice, with a new twist. In between songs, I paused to talk to the camera. I described what had just happened, how I was feeling, how I was coping. But usually I do that in the semi-dark; this time, for the commentary, I turned on the light box! In the videos that document my evening, I am standing brightly lit. I am, as advertised, completely lucid, but it's obvious that I'm exerting a tremendous effort to maintain my composure. I'm scared shitless, but I'm still smiling.
(Note: I cannot believe how bad my singing is when I've got earbuds in. Watching the scene in Tarantino's Death Proof when the cheerleader character is unself-consciously…
I know this because in this ceremony, I resumed an old practice, with a new twist. In between songs, I paused to talk to the camera. I described what had just happened, how I was feeling, how I was coping. But usually I do that in the semi-dark; this time, for the commentary, I turned on the light box! In the videos that document my evening, I am standing brightly lit. I am, as advertised, completely lucid, but it's obvious that I'm exerting a tremendous effort to maintain my composure. I'm scared shitless, but I'm still smiling.
(Note: I cannot believe how bad my singing is when I've got earbuds in. Watching the scene in Tarantino's Death Proof when the cheerleader character is unself-consciously…