Verbatim: Annotated Real-Time Commentary on 2019-11-16 Phonomantic Rite

Note: I maintain that one of the things that makes phonomancy remarkable is that it trains you to remain completely lucid while under the psychic load of superheroic doses of substantia. To gather evidence for this claim, I've long had a practice of shooting video during ceremonies. Lately my approach has been to do my visionary work in the dark, then turn on a bright light--a photographer's lightbox--so I can speak directly into the camera and explain what's going on in my head. What follows is a transcript of the comments I made between songs during last Saturday's ceremony. It's a useful document of my evolving method and visionary mythos. It's also eyewitness testimony to how effing weird it is to be seized by the Unconscious in this way, to be made a prophetic mouthpiece for the archetype of the Self in its aspect as the Herald.

Recorded at 37:45, after the song "Moonage Daydream":

1. I learned a really useful lesson. You can ask to see what's attacking you--what's causing the knot of fear in your stomach. And it'll show up in your visual space...as soon as you make the request, it changes, and shows you something representative of the enemy that's coming at you. I saw black caterpillars writhing out of neon-glowing yellow flowers. And you sing to them. You sing the song, and mean it. As you take possession of how that song makes you feel,  the larger sentiment, the transpersonal meaning of that song, purifies you and gives you the means to blast away the darkness. The fear evaporates. Man! That's a useful way to employ this magic.
2. Now, this early in the night, I've effected my transformation. I know who I am, and what I'm about. I'm Pa Dammit, bitches!

Just before 1:10:34, when I recorded this commentary, I began speaking aloud during the outro of "Blood and Thunder." I was--ahem--addressing Lucifer, the Devil Himself, the Divine Child who was exiled and is serving--or enslaved?--as the engine Resistance that drive the universe.  I told him, "I know you for what you are. I know how you suffer. And I know you hate me and everything I'm trying to bring about. But I will save you. I will get you out this, I fucking promise. It's a promise."

This ties in to the content of the vision I had during my ceremony on 11/9, when I was treated (if that's the word) to an understanding of what Resistance is at its root node. 

I'm not saying it's entirely coherent. This is new to me, too. It's  important to remember that visionary ideas are often fragmentary and have to be put together over time. The basic idea is that this universe is a kind of puzzle that the Holy Ma has posed to her brood to entertain and educate them. The goal is evolving a critical mass of sentient beings in this space that can experience Her as a lived reality. Every religion has been a strategy they've deployed as an attempted solution. To this point, they've all failed. When they finally succeed, it'll be the Eschaton, the End of Time, but also the redemption of the universe. in the sense that Lucifer will be freed from his bondage. 

1. The thing about working with "Blood and Thunder" is that you are trying to get enraged. Your goal is to feel the fury of Satan Himself, and in order to do that, you need to understand why it's doing, and why it hates you so fucking much. Having a myth, an origin story for Him, a vantage point from which to understand Him, allows you to feel compassion.
2. This process of starting the First Church of David Bowie, to save the world and create a critical mass of humanity who all believe the Goddess is real, ultimately it's about redeeming the universe. In that moment of triumph, He will be released from his bondage. He'll be saved and returned to the bosom of his family. And at that point he'll understand it all. All will be forgiven, and that will make him the greatest of all the Goddess's creations, bar none. The Lightbringer.

Recorded after Jane's Addiction's "Three Days" @ 1:41:23. More extreme weirdness. I'll unpack all this in future posts, as my understanding improves, but what you need to know is that about a year and a half ago, I had a vision of bull god that I associated with ancient Egypt. It was the size of a mountain, and regarded me curiously as it reclined. It seemed to have something to do with Osiris, but it was also older than that image. And strikingly, its bull god energy seemed directly related to the sound of Chris Cornell's singing. In his hyper-masculine caterwaul, there was an emotional harmonic that emerged straight from that bull god archetype.

That bull god image has continue to evolve in my visions. Now, stay with me here: in many goddess mythologies, She has a son who is also her consort. He is often portrayed as having horns. Apparently this figure, being archetypal, makes appearances in the mythologies of many cultures: in Greece as Dionysius, in India as Shiva, and among the Celts, Cernunnos. I've come to realize that my Shamanic Cabaret show also has references to a Horned figure: Primus, the wolf with stag antlers that is my costume during "Three Days," and the Galactus-inspired space armor I wear for "Space Lord," and of course the Faunus-style goat-legged and masked costume I wear in "Blood and Thunder." There are even more coincidences--Shiva, for instance, is associated with the Pleiades constellation, and my phonomancer tattoo features the seven stars of the Pleiades, which is in the constellation Taurus, and I'm a Taurus, and one of the stars in the Pleiades is named Electra, and Elektra (from the Daredevil comics) was my primary anima figure, and...

It just goes on and on. I've decided to actively investigate the Horned One in my visionary work. So...this happened:

1. Fucking A! Holy shit!
2. It's already fading away, as these things have to do, but He was here. The Horned God! And he was digging the noise we were making. And it occurred to me that the long game, truly, that this is...the music...is appropriate to the energies of the Horned God in this era. He created rock 'n roll so we could make rituals to praise him and call him into being in us. Because all it requires is feeling that way, and then watching your head fill with images. And then ultimately, if you practice, you can be Him. In human form, barely remembering who you are. In that moment, you are him. The Horned One. Ma's Pa! You inhabit that energy space and you love Her as an equal. HA! Not as her most distant, most atomic creation.
3. And saying that brings up something that happened early in the night, during the invocation. And...huh! Apparently I'm not allowed to remember it. Something happened. Something was placed there to condition my consciousness.

At 1:47:13, I couldn't remember what I wanted to talk about:

1. Note to future self: the moment, the very moment, you have an idea that might be of later interest, speak up and say it. Because sometimes it's something you're not supposed to know yet, and your higher order self will come and confiscate it. He's monitoring. And it feels weird to try to sneak something out, but I also feel weird about the fact they're taking things away.
2. It's okay to feel weird about it, though. It's okay to have a critical stance on your consciousness, and who has access to it. Understand that you are their creation, their emanation, and they are fully entitled to everything that goes on in your head, and to do whatever they want with you. And that's a big cognitive leap, getting okay with that. To realize you are simply the finger of a larger body. To understand that you have a purpose. To know you have a part to play, and play it joyfully. You have to find a way not to feel enslaved but instead feel tremendous honor to render service as an act of love. It can't be something coerced out of you. 'Cause that's a lie Resistance will tell you. You have to love Her in spite of her absence, or when She takes away ideas you're not quite ready for. Being okay with that, and trusting the process.

But then I did @ 1:50:30. It was pure Shadow work:

1. I GOT IT! Ha!
2. There was something I needed to own in my Shadow: how selfish I am. Especially as a kid. I was really, really, really selfish, and would sneak shit. As soon as I remembered that I identified with it immediately. More for me. I want. I want. I want. More for me. It's still there in my craving for more sensation in the psychedelic space: brighter light, deeper visions, more archetypal content, gimme, gimme, gimme. It's not the majority of it, but it's there. And it's part of you. You can't get rid of it. But what you can do is come to terms with it. There's a grasping little shit who always wants more, and knowing that about yourself, find a way to make that work for you.
3. Part of that has to be adopting a loving attitude toward something unlovable about yourself. You have to love yourself, Pa, especially those parts you'd rather look away from. Or a part you'd like to get rid of. Maybe the way you'd feel if that was your own child you saw behaving like that.
4. It could be that's the essence of the individuation process. You don't have your own children to make your mistakes on, so you find ways to do it here, and learn the necessary lessons.
5. That mulishness insistence, I want it my way. Now you're sensitive to it, Pa. That's the thing about Shadow work, right? Now that you know you're like that, you're never off the hook again. It's a good thing to be unsettled by it. You'll get better knowing this about yourself, and you'll be able to hold on to that knowledge even in the context of joy.

At 1:59:30, a little example of the sort of Call to Adventure I get every ceremony. I can't express how weird it is that I consistently get these sorts of messages, or overstate how impressive the visions that accompany them are. The are categorically different than the usual psychedelic tsunami filling your head on superheroic doses. They have a vividness and a wonderfully delicate lucidity that simply feels...noetic. If you were getting such information on the regular, you might be tempted to act on it, too. But honestly, it's such a pain in the ass! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and the worst. I am becoming utterly alienated from the rest of the world, and yet all my potential is finally flowering. I'm in the best shape of my life, I can sing, my dancing is improving, I've written a new book, I do a stage show that people have called "genius," and really might be, and I have conquered my life-long depression. I'm still lonely, but I can bear it with a grace, humor, and stoicism I could've never managed before. And it's all because of the phonomantic method. I can see why the Unconscious wants me to teach others what I've learned to do. It's amazing.

1. So look, friend, you got told in no uncertain terms: you are the champion the world needs now. As you know, a lot of people died to put you into position, Pa. This is the Big Bet. History pays off here. We will guide civilization in a new direction. We will. We'll call Ma in.
2. As I had these thoughts, my whole inner visionary space changed. I saw myself clad in armor. Superhero armor, like Iron Man, except mine is blue, and silver, and gold. The idea was, What the world needs now is a superhero academy. And a Legion of Superheroes. My job is to train a cadre of super self-actualized people who can then go out and do whatever their work is in the world and bring all the energies from this into that. It's about having an ideal to strive for, and having the right instruction to get you there. Being on board if that's the kind of person you want to be.
3. Part of that is singing to feel feelings. Training to expand one's capacity to feel emotion. That's what it's all about.
4. You are chosen by the Divine, Pa. This is your gig. In this universe, the universe you live in, this is true: you were chosen to teach people this program and change the direction of civilization. You have a vision in your head of what a new culture could look like. It's a gift you were given, and your job is to communicate it, to propagate it, to get other people to see it and be inspired by it and strive to make it real. It is the blueprint for an interstellar civilization. The New Atlantis. Metropolis, whever everyone is a superhero, because that the religious ideal we strive to live up to. We're trying to become real-life superheroes. There's a way to do it, and a space to do it in, and it starts like this. ("Common People" begins playing.)

At 2:10:09, a practical definition of "opening the third eye":

1. With your eyes closed, you want to be able to see a completely convincing reality. Not a psychedelic space. If you focus on looking, one will start to form. But it'll have this magical reality mapped onto it. Your eyes will be closed, but it'll be as if your eyes were open.

At 2:11:01, an explanation of the benefits of training phonomantically:

1. What makes working with these songs so effective is you define a stance that you're going to take out into the world. The exultation and pure gratitude you hit in "Don't Look Back," you want to bring the echoes of those feelings, the person that you were while having that experience, out into the world.
2. That's the idea.

At 2:16:31, self-induced vision. It starts off as simple narration of my actions, and segues into a spontaneous and utterly heartfelt prayer of thanksgiving.

1. What you're seeing suggested in the light box might be an effective idea of heaven. Just columns of light in a space, communicating. They are arranged around a hub. And the hub is the Self. The intersection of Ma and Pa. That's what you're looking at. Perfect glowing white energy that loves you and wants the best for you. All Glory be to God. Thank you. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to do this. It's the honor of my life to be of service to you.
2. Teach people. Teach them how to do that, how to feel that way. You're a saint. You need to come to terms with what you can do, and that you've been tasked with teaching others how to accomplish it. How to become the kind of person necessary to achieve those states. And to embody them out in the world. To be a part of a true Legion of Superheroes.

At 2:19:59, anima integration:

1. You're trying to embody this character, so you're working to improve your ability to imagine what it would be like to be another human being. A girl. Inhabiting that space--that's your Anima. You realize that part of yourself, you bring it into existence, and the more you work with her, the more real she'll become.

At 2:25:40, a brief remark about how to make my private ceremonies even deeper:

1. Tonight it's all about focusing on the image on screen. Interacting with it. If the screen was blacker, the sigil would be hovering in space. It'd be a remarkable thing to see. It become the antipode for your magical spell.

At 2:26:54, more performance notes:

1. The key is following your feelings. When you hit a true feeling, your inner space will completely expand. That's where this feedback thing happens--you get more information, it brings you closer to the presence you're trying to summon--and eventually you are believing. The presence becomes absolute. It animates an image in your unconscious, and the She is there.

At 2:27:53, I noted, THIS IS IMPORTANT, and then said:

1. Your dancing, your singing, your performance, is an attempt to entice the Goddess into visiting. You've got to make it worth her while. You need to be entertaining as fuck and that is the whole purpose for all the training you do. You have to ritualistically attract Ma to incarnate into your consciousness. It's pretty fun!

2:29:31 is important. Blondie's song "Atomic" ends, and then I proceed to wail for more than thirty seconds, caught in the after-blast of intense emotion. 

I'm not kidding when I say that my activities may be of historical importance. What I'm achieving here is, I believe, the equivalent of the highest ecstasies of any Catholic saint or Himalayan yogi. Now, I'm not levitating off the ground, and there's no halo over my head or heavenly choir opening above me. I'm not sure those things ever actually happen--I think they are more like details that people telling legends added in order to try to convey the unearthly. I think real religious ecstasy looks just like what I've got on video: spontaneously sobbing out of love for an invisible presence.

When I've had enough, I stop. Phonomancy yields complete emotional control. 

1. And that...is what happens when you are exposed to even the slightest degree to the majesty of the Divine Presence. It's a titanic, unending fusion reactor of gratitude and love and awe and just complete mind-blowing...it's as close as we get to heaven.
2. So now, fully primed, let's take that Ma energy in a new direction. ("Umbrella.")
3. The vision I have is of a civilization that has adopted this as its greatest art form. And they make these incredible spectacles so great masses of people can experience Ma as real simultaneously. I see what the civilization that could produce 18000 people who can gather together on the medicine and conduct themselves appropriately, I can see how super-advanced it would have to be. I think it's a civilization you all would like to live in.
4. That's where Ma wants us to go, if we don't fuck it up.

2:35:09

1. Singing her love to the Horned One, identifying with that reality, and my whole visionary space changed.

At 2:37:14 I am again speaking aloud. Shouting, actually. Something is going on, not sure what. Channeling the Horned One, I think. I begin roaring. And then I shout "Here to save the fucking day!" and "Give this man the resources he needs!"). Then, speaking as the Horned One, I say, 

1. I put my stamp on the plan. This is going to work. We are going to save the fucking world.

At 2:38:06 I describe what just happened.

1. That was, uh, you know, fucking bonkers. What do you say about the experience deepening and deepening and...how do you describe...what I see in my visionary space, it almost looks like the the Senate chamber in the Star Wars movies, there's a sense you are in an open, circular space, the distant walls covered with lighted structures, but then it swirls with darkness, and you are, in the moment, the Horned One. Romancing His Beloved, the Goddess. The explosion of colors in my head at the moment...the only way to capture it is if you were a trained artist. I could spend eternity trying to explain the ever-shifting vista. The colors are are indescribably beautiful solar oranges and pinks and golds.
2. I can see a lot of interesting activity, but unconsciously. It's like it's happening in the background. I'm trying to focus on it with my visual apparatus. It's extremely difficult, but once I'm able to do that I'll be able to see in this space into other realities. I'll see them as clearly as if my eyes were open. That's a ways to go. I know it's possible, but I can't do it yet.
3. But the fact remains that when you're teaching, you're not training.
4. So I need to balance my own development versus my obligation to explain what I'm doing.
5. If you're going to bop out of your own training, make sure it's worth it. Think twice.

At 2:46:46, I ask myself, "How do you feel about this? Do you accept this?" Because occasionally you get messages that don't seem to fit with everything else that's going on, that feel...false. My model is that these are enemy action, or attempts by psychic parasites to establish a presence in my consciousness they can later exploit. It's critical to shut them down immediately. Ultimately it's your consciousness. You say what's true or not. 

1. There was this aspect of the Goddess that wanted me to sexually worship black women. And was a little incensed that I was practicing sexual continence. She wanted me to masturbate to images of black women.
2. And it felt off. She seemed to be of the Goddess, but I think if I feel uneasy about it I have the right to reject any messages I receive. It Jung who said one has to maintain a critical relationship with the unconscious. You can't simply accede to whatever it demands.

And then finally, at 2:28:13, wracked with sorrow by Sia's "Chandelier":  

1. It's happening, Pa!
2. Pa...hey Pa, this is for real. 

 It's funny, I haven't spoken to Huey in almost five years, but my soul still speaks to me in her voice.

Unfortunately, that's where the transcript ends. Apparently I forgot to record the last 90 minutes of the ceremony. Whoops!