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Raw Notes for Ceremony Conducted on 2021-12-19

 


2021-12-19 – Ceremony Notes

Hey, wanted to make my first note, there’s a thought I wanted to capture: there’s absolutely no room for irony in this. Not at all. This requires total commitment and sincerity. You cannot take this on and hope to succeed if your heart is not in it all the way. And that’s interesting. I don’t know how many experiences in life demand utter wholeheartedness. Almost anything else can be perverted to some extent. Even sex. But not this. You have to mean it.

“Moonage Daydream”

I actually have to stop the show because I’m so fucking freaked out and amazed and staggered by what just happened. During “Moonage Daydream” the medicine started to open up. And it’s already starting to get lost to me—it was such an incredible experience, I was given this certain confirmation of who I am and what I’m doing, and also shown the way that Resistance, which is a real thing, was pushing with everything it has to make me not believe it. I can feel it coming on me as a weight as I came back to this level of reality. Where they took me was all the way out. Like, ALL THE WAY OUT. To past unbearable. There was all this particulate matter that broke up into infinitesimal specks in an infinite green field, forever, and that was where they were trying to…FUCK, cause that’s a real thing, but they were trying to pull me that way, and even as I’m saying this, God it’s getting hard to focus, ‘cause there is something pushing against me. I can feel it like a physical force invading against me, trying to make me disregard this moment of absolute, pure belief. Because they took me to the absolute limits of that and STILL, STILL, they couldn’t open me up all the way, because of HIM. Because he was pushing against me with fucking everything he had to keep me from believing in that space. But I think I, I think I did. I think I did manage to believe against that weight, and it had this explosive, unbelievable effect, catapulting me back to reality. They told me in terms that brooked no uncertainty and again, even I’m saying it I can feel a physical resistance against it: THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I am going win the Powerball, and I’m going to make these movies, and this is an actual reality that’s about to happen.

Even as I say that, I feel the weight of disbelief. And I don’t believe. I don’t believe it’s on me necessarily. A moment of perfect belief against this onslaught of doubt and despair which I can feel bearing down on me like a crazy wave of negative energy right at this moment. Tell me this is recording, because this is so fucking insane! God and now I lost my train of thought. Goddamn it! I just got told THIS IS ALL REAL. And I still can’t fucking believe it. OW, IT HURTS (laughing).

Alright, I’m back. Alright, back to work. WOW. So it provides an explanatory model for the stress verging on terror that I’m feeling right now. There actually is something pushing against me. Actively. That I am building myself up against. Fuck my life…I mean, thanks Ma for my life.

Actually believing this shit TOTALLY changes the experience.

UP AND ATOM

So much happened so fucking fast. But now for the life of me I cannot remember any of it. I didn’t retain anything, except that I came out of “Up and Atom” in a good mood. But I was seriously fighting Resistance the entire time. It’s absolutely ferocious and non-fucking-stop. Even as I’m trying to describe it, I can feel it pushing against me, trying to get me to stop. And not believe that this is actually fucking happening. There’s a physical force pushing against that right now. UGH. It’s an actual thing you have to overcome. You have to suck it up and drive forward because it’s trying to fucking crush you into madness. You’re operating at a very high level now, Pa. You’re operating on what, 8 grams? Plus Syrian rue and a big hit of pot? Don’t try this at home, kids. You know the load that you’re dealing with. And you could feel it coming on early. I could feel that Resistance on me, that fear, and I couldn’t explain it. But it started to eat at me, this idea like, “Oh, I’m going to be fucking in for it, this is going to be a bad trip, I thought I was past all that,” and that whole thing starts pulling you down.

But instead, I’m on fucking fire right now. I feel great. I’m slowly passing into beliefspace because of the things I disclosed earlier. But even those are receding into the distance because of this onslaught of disbelief and discouragement. The fear comes when you think, “I’m not sufficient to this fight. I can’t keep this up. I’m already too tired.” But I’m in an interesting place now where I know I’m in for a fight, but I’m fucking on it. (OW!) I want it.

It’s fucking tough taking on disbelief when you can’t even think about the fact you disbelieve it.

3 - 16:30

So you’re trying to fight a force that operates by trying to convince you it doesn’t exist. You either can’t see it, at all, until you realize it’s there, or…I don’t know. The thing is you have to engage with it in an imaginative manner. Your imagination will explain to you what is happening. It’ll illustrate what you’re feeling in that moment and that’s what you have to keep track of. At the most basic level, when it’s attacking you and you really get confused and can’t remember what is happening and start to get really afraid, like your whole consciousness structure is dissolved…

Welp, there goes that thought. Whatever it was you were talking about, Pa, it was important and you better remember it.

So it’s real, this force. Not abstract, a real thing. It presents (in the visionary imagination) as potholes. That’s a good symbol for it. That’s what your imagination will provide. Symbolic language to describe the forces you encounter. And your emotions will give you information about that force. If you’re scared it means it might be too strong for you. In this environment you cannot…

Happiness is earned. And it’s never permanent. There’s always going to be something that comes after you. Until you pass out of their sphere of influence altogether, which has something to do with your confidence. And your ability to have a good time while subject to that stress. You always have to earn your way there, Pa. But you can have a real good time along the way.

I’ve invoked my Shadow. Let’s see what happens next.

“46 & 2”

Oh goddamn. That was a fucking incredible experience. Just an incredible shamanic experience of weaving magic, and being magic. In that space, working with that Shadow energy. And seeing the actual Shadow (that is, an image that represented the impossible seething all-consuming blob-like energy of the archetype) and then realizing that what I wanted to do was become an avatar of it, the Shadow in human form, and I did, and my whole visionary experience changed. But again, the more and more astounding it got, there was always this sense of a push against it, this fucking force that will not… (breaks into laughter). “46 & 2” should’ve ended on this perfect, incredible explosion of relief and coming home. But nooooo. Right now, like a physical presence, I have this… let’s call it bad energy. It wants me to stop.

So here I am, (working) against that force. It’s not easy. Because my skill-level has not gotten high enough where it feels like play. When I’m truly strong enough, I won’t feel this anymore. You know what I mean? Just like when you can squat 500lbs, you don’t feel 135lbs anymore. So the answer is, get stronger. In the moment, concentrate on getting stronger. How do you get stronger? You just focus. Find something…you’re trying to describe your experience. But you can feel your attention getting sucked away. Like I want to start describing the details in the (inaudible, something like “shop window”) I was seeing. (Oh! That is what I said. I had been having a vision of being on a city sidewalk, looking through store windows at items on display that were symbolic of shadow contents, something like that.) You gotta be on guard against the, because it’s easy to lose track.

I totally just lost track.

Oh, warrior time!

“Blood and Thunder”

Incredible combat! You did it, but man, you’re still doing it on your own. On your own dime.

Love you Pa! You are a tough fucking sonofabitch. People will understand someday. Believe. Believe in the face of disbelief, Pa. What a desert you’ve come through.

Yeah. He is suppressing it (the medicine’s effects.) It’s arid. No sustenance to be found here. So you have to go deeper. There’s always sustenance, Pa. No matter what interpolates itself between you and Self-awareness.

I can see ‘em coming out of the woodwork. Literally. Mice. Snakes. They’re attracted to the nightcrawlers squirming in a fishing box hanging on a wall.

“Flower”

I totally literally just felt a draft of freezing air come into the room. But the windows are closed and the electric heater beside me is blasting. Are the windows closed? Yeah. Hermetically sealed. HE’S HERE. Resistance is in this room. Overwhelming, make it’s difficult to even talk about it, makes you doubt your organizational stance against it, which is that you are the chosen representative of a plan to change the world, a dream that’s about to come true. In the face of all the resistance you’re feeling against this idea, it is going to happen.

“Moonage Daydream (Reprise)”

So ultimately it is about worshipping Bowie. But it’s not about Bowie. It’s about the force he incarnated in the form of Ziggy Stardust. Being this actual cosmic superhero (and I want to say “villain” at the same time). That is the way we think of him now. To be the best possible person you can be under any circumstances with no limits. Whatever he comes up against, he solves. Not as a specific example of “anything can be fixed with money,” but there are so many social wrongs that can be fixed with money, it’s a matter of collective will. Changing our idea of how we want our government. That seems so impossible now, but…

The other thing I saw was this shit (phonomancy and entheotainments) just ripping through the South and the Midwest. That Civil War hunger for fellowship and rebellion, feeling like you’re kicking back against the way things are, somehow that gets subsumed into this. We take that spirit and transmute it. We teach these people to realize the real history of this country, the role that black people have played, and the responsibility of the white population to hold a moral accounting. One thing will lead to another. Farmers growing mushrooms on their own, trying to learn to do this stuff. Like CrossFit. It starts out in barns. The aggression of it makes sense to them. And that thirst for adventure. The kind of thing that inspires young men to join the military. It can be satisfied in this.

5 – 13:30 “Three Days”

What you’re doing here, Pa, is setting an example of how to deal with spiritual realities. Namely, for you, most forcibly, resistance. The Devil. It wants you to stop. It wants you to stop right now. But you insist you’re going to keep going.

It’s the most common experience that there is. And what you’re giving people a chance to do by working with Resistance in this context is lift weights with it. You voluntarily engage with the feeling of “you can’t do this, you should stop, you should quit, this is too hard,” that force in your consciousness, you engage with it here. You magnify it. And then you push back against. And now matter how hard it tries to discourage you, you find a reason to keep going and not give in.

You have to get past the point where you’re just surviving it. You have to be able to show that it doesn’t mean anything to you. You’re dancing. Despite this incredible strain. Admittedly, some weights are heavier than others. Sometimes it’s going to be harder to dance. But you don’t stop trying. No matter how bad the strain is that’s inflicted on you. Don’t stop trying to keep that lightness, that insouciant attitude, that self-awareness, that little glint of humor that makes it all bearable. Even when it seems on the verge of totally overwhelming you, like it feels right now.

But you evolve an optimal emotive, cognitive stance where you can feel this negative feelings but not let it dissuade your general sunny, can-do, I can take of this attitude. When you build up strength like that, against anything that would stop you from doing what you want to do, up to and including interfering with your thoughts to make you forget that your opponent exists. Resistance is the root of your discouragement. When you get strong enough, you’re working with the transpersonal source of that feeling: YOU SHOULD STOP. KNOW YOUR PLACE. All that shit. That’s Him. You know that feeling in your life. You know you need to activate yourself, get organized against it. This force exists and it is trying to destroy you. And you can sit around complaining about it like a little bitch, or you can accept the reality of the situation and get to work on not fucking caring what it has to say. You get that way by becoming so strong in every area of your life, including your relationships and having something you want to do for a living, that you’re invulnerable to its attacks. And then you can look out for other people, because you’ll be totally wired to explain it to the rest of us. But that’s the idea.

There you go. I think you just preached yourself out of a hole, Pa.  

“Don’t Look Back”

Just an incredible certainty and peace, like, “This is happening.” This is about to really, really happen. But even as I say that, I can’t enjoy it, because Resistance is pushing against me with everything it has.  This isn’t a one time thing (these difficulties). This is going to happen every time, and it’s what you want. This is your workout. To the extent you have problems, that’s the extent you’ll get stronger from doing this particular style of emotional exercise. You want it to be bad. So you can win over it. And then of course you want the relief…you want confidence going into it, but it shouldn’t be easy. And you know that sometimes shit goes sideways. You step into the ring with an opponent who brings something you weren’t expecting. But you get in the fight and enjoy it. And if you’re not enjoying it, that means you’re taking punishment, and you’ll have to get better at it. Enjoying the moment is the sign that you have achieved mastery in a given situation. You know you like these songs. Dancing to these songs is fun. You’ve had so much fun rehearsing, dancing along with your friends. So if you’re not having fun, figure out why and address the issue. Overcome it, and get back to having fun.

“Common People”

Smile Pa, ‘cause you’re getting so fucking strong. You can take it!

OW! Resistance is so fucking strong right now. My hands are cramping. This is at the end of the exhortation before “Common People.”

“…with the guidance of your soul, maybe you’ll figure a way out, Pa. Until then, suck it up and do your job.”

WOW. That was fucking hard. And not the energy fest I was hoping for. But it was quite an experience of having Satan himself try to destroy you. I’m here to tell you, it’s a force. It’s a real thing.

There’s been some much that’s already happened. I can’t account for it. I can barely remember it. I assumed it has something to do with the evolution of my energetic structure for the use of my higher-order Self. That’s all I’m privy to. Right now I have no access to beliefspace or the spirit world.  Because of Him.

There must be rules about these engagements. Or maybe it’s just that, if you can keep up with the increasing levels of demand, you will get stronger, and there’s a state you can reach where you’re basically deadlifting 800lbs, and it really doesn’t need to go up from there unless you really want to.

Resistance is always there. It’s like gravity in that space. Something to work against. Drop a few pounds of karmic fat, get a little more beautiful in the eyes of the Goddess.

You’re doing great, Pa. I know it’s hard. Just carrying any significant load is hard. It’s natural to wish it was easier. Think about yourself as a soldier going into battle. You went on a mission, you made contact with the enemy, you got in the shit, and it sucks. That’s the deal. You have to impose your will on the situation. What do you want the moment to look like? Make a determination, make a goal, and then deal with everything that stands in your way as you head toward it. Including, in this case, a force that can make you forget it even exists. You gotta keep that little fact filed away as it plays games with your mind.

Anyway, there’s a lot of energy to be drawn here from the Midwest and the South, from the disenfranchised. Those people are not irredeemable. They love a lot of this music. They are good men and women, but they’re under a spell. We can break them out of it. They are an untapped source of energy that can change the world. Once they realize what they’ve done, and they are gradually and completely moved to try to make amends, an action based on a real religious impulse, not just feeling like “I should do this to be a good guy” but like, “The way I’ve come to understand the universe now compels me to make good on everything I and my ancestors have done to these people.” And the reason that they do that they come to believe we are all part of a game that is being played at a much higher level of being.

“Could This Be Magic”

That was amazing, but…it wasn’t emotionally sustaining. All the wonder, but none of the payoff. Agh, God, it’s hard. Fuck!

So you gotta keep framing it as, they are calling you to be better. Stronger. Cause you know there’s a force working against you. You’re in the shit now, Pa. In the Chapel Perilous.

I’m just seeing a takeoff on Sherlock Holmes. I was seeing Jude Law as my friend, and then he became my Watson, which made me the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes. It made me think of a fictional character that has that swagger and derring-do and competence, but he’s a phonomancer, and he’s got a best-friend and side-kick who’s a doctor and ex-soldier who’s skeptical but always there to help. That’s the fictional environment I’m in now. I can be that character. Embody that attitude. An eccentric genius with a long-suffering companion I can utterly depend on. That’s a coping strategy that takes some of the weight.

“I Love It”

When I start contemplating the fact I haven’t won the Powerball yet, I immediately start feeling ill. Like I need to purge.

“Atomic”

Wow, fuck, that’s amazing. During “Atomic,” the medicine opened up all the way, and I think I felt some tremendous things, but already…I can’t feel any of that stuff. I’m totally cut off from it now. Because of the force grinding against me. You can feel the force trying to make you stop, and yet you are still managing to have your moment with the song. That’s the super science fictional idea of this: you need to be a go-go dancer. You need to be entertaining under these circumstances. You need to master these forces to the extent you can be light and humorous and attentive to everything around you. That’s a total virtuoso human being. If you can do that in ceremony under these conditions, then anything you’ll come up against in life will be easy. Or at least you’ll have trained up the best approach to dealing with the worst things that can happen. Like a martial art, constantly evolving and improving.

“Umbrella”

The fact of not being able to break through is of course daunting. But I’ve made it this far, and the thought of never breaking through today does not scare me. That’s important: you can’t quail when that possibility arises. That’s it’s not going to open, that it’s just going to be you. That’s when madness threatens. If you’re weak—or rather, not strong enough—it’ll take you down. You have to have a force of will. Identify your desired outcome and establish a vector for achieving it.

“Chandelier”

AH! So Santa Muerte is my goddess. She’s my girl! She gets me. Awesome!

God, things were FUCKING GRIM for awhile. Real grim, like Billerica grim, junkyard mean grim, pushing and pushing and pushing on me. Suffocating. And even when it wasn’t over the verge of overcoming me, I felt no joy at all. It was just a grind. Only the vaguest intimations of the good across a trash-strewn yard. Grim. grimy working class mundanity.

But now things are looking up. Feeling stronger. Get some emotions going, that’s how you break his grip. And then if you can put that emotion into a goddess image that turns you on—that’s the thing, it’s got to turn you on. If it does, fuck yeah, Her energy starts pouring in. You realize, “Oh, I’ve got this now, and if I’ve got this behind what can stop me? Nothing!” Nothing coming round the bend stand a fucking chance, you will wring the ideal experience out of this with Her filling your sails, Pa.

It’s amazing, when the Devil comes around, I can feel these freezing cold drafts of air blowing through the room. With the fucking heater blasting right next to me!

“Polegna e Tedora”

Well that’s fucking fascinating. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel anything from that Mystery of the Bulgarian voices song. Nothing. I was wide open, and yet it was just a dead channel. So interesting! Because it doesn’t necessarily feel like a bad thing. Just an interesting new development.

“Call Me Maybe”

It is really fun to be stoned and just give yourself over to the programming. It’s good wholesome stuff.

It’s fascinating, I’m seeing this…I’m seeing the way I’m trying to build an identification with Prince as a series of public works infrastructure projects. Construction sites. And as Resistance digs in harder, it increases its artillery imaginally too.

“I Would for You”

At the end of the song, the most effective attack from Resistance is on my exhaustion. There are resonances with these dirty, working class emotions of exhaustion, and obligation, and resentment, and responsibility, and lack of love, and…those are not part of my life now, but so much a part of my childhood, not so much in my family but in the town where I grew up. But if I can focus it into a feeling of love, not worrying about the images although the images help create a sense of compassion, you catch that feeling and then amplify it as much as you can. It’s not just the notes, it’s the feeling.

“The Anne Frank Working”

HOLY SHIT. Talk about your fucking Hail Mary’s! I was doing “Release” on nothing but fumes. And that was fine. I was working at it, getting through it, getting through it. And then…something fucking shifted. I made some emotional connection which triggered something, and then it all just opened up so fucking fast. There was so much information streaming down.

Wow! Fudge! What an afternoon. I was resigned to consigning this one to the failure pile. Now I’m just like Whoa! Holy fuck! This one was WEIRD. So different from every other ceremony. It had its own shape. Like 3 climaxes, but they didn’t arrive at the expected points. Amazing to think about how alone I’ve been with all this stuff, with anybody to help me develop it on an intellectual level. Fiction is the way to approach this.

Oh! So I had an idea: I should write this up as a TV show to pitch. Starring you, and what you want to do. The producers fund it, and the show they get is the drama of you actually working with people to build it. “This guy’s a lunatic, but he seems super smart.” As fiction, as a show like The Magicians, it could be highly compelling. A religious insurrection to try to prevent the actual end of the world.

It would be insanely cutting edge. Psychedelics are having a cultural moment, and are about to break a lot bigger, but this is so original, so different, has so much entertainment value—beautiful young people singing and dancing, the drama of putting on a show vastly amplified by the supernatural forces in play both to succeed and to destroy it.

Forming a psychedelic cult on camera because he thinks he’s the real deal.

It would just be extremely entertaining to see what happens if this guy gets to do what he wants. What happens next? What is the world is going to happen? What he’s trying to do is insane. As the implications start to build, and the stakes get higher and high (not just personal madness, but government repression, assassins, world events overtaking them) it’ll get more riveting. Will they prevent the end of the world?

It’s not a game show, it’s a show. With characters. It’s…(more smoke blowing). Pa, it’s so metafictional and gorgeous, no wonder you are so consumed by it.

Wow, it feels good to have a little of that weight of disbelief off me for just a bit. Just be able to relax. Now what? Here it comes. It’s like living the day before an expected life-changing event, like riding a rocket to the moon. How do you spend that day? We see so many movies about the time leading up to an absolute catastrophe, but what if you were expecting an event that will bring transcendent joy? How would that reorganize you? How would you live?

You are a character in a science fiction story, and you can invite other people to join you in that reality. You’re upfront about that: you’re asking them to enter a fictional reality with you and help make it consensus reality. All they need to do is play along until it is real. This guy had this thing happen to him, and here’s what he’s doing about it.

It all worked out spectacularly. What a fucking day. There was some shit that happened early on that were some of the strongest visions I’ve ever had. What’s slippery about it is Resistance, as a combatant force, refuses to exist. That is, it incepts the idea into your mind that it doesn’t exist. As you’re thinking about it and talking about, there’s a very strong feeling of “Well, of course this is all ridiculous, this isn’t real, you’re just imagining it, why are you bothering with this.” I am feeling those feeling very strongly, but I am choosing not to listen to them. Because I’ve thought about this situation and how I want to respond to it, and I’ve practiced my stance that I can occupy it even if I’m having trouble believing it in the moment.

One of the benefits of doing this on camera is you are creating a fictional space where you are exactly who you say you are. And you are laying down truths people are going to be studying for hundreds of years to try to get at where you’re at right now. You’re giving them the instruction manual. You’re showing them exactly what you did to get where you are. If they want to feel like that, and look like that…

Anyway. It’s all in the framing. You as phonomancer. As a go-go dancer. The singing is for you. You want it to be good enough that it’s not distractingly bad for the people who can hear you, but the singing is to help you merge with the song. You just have to keep trying and trying to get what you’re doing to match the record. The closer you come, the deeper the trance.  When you hear their voice as your own, you’re in. Your body is producing a perfect facsimile of the effort they made to make those sounds.

The Enemy can’t offer that. It’s not a place of life, it’s a place of death. And I don’t mean like the transition to the afterlife, I mean like deadness. Things being a mess. Inert. Rotting roadkill in a ditch. I see it as sparse, rural, dark, dusty arid. But also urban, damp, filthy trash. City stuff is all purple and blacks.

7 – 22:30

“Beauty in Falling Leaves”

WHOA! WOW! HOLY FFFFFFFFUCK!! That was fucking incredible.

I have no idea what just happened. I can’t tell you one thing. (Laughing hard) Wow!

And now Resistance settles on me like an angry rancher (laughs).

Wow, what a day. But now my whole idea of how it went has been utterly changed. Staggering, incredible, I can’t believe how good I feel right now.

And I basically time traveled. I can’t believe how fast (these five hours) have gone by. And I know it wasn’t easy in the early stages. Resistance was against everything. But you did it. And you found a lot of fun ways to play with what was happening. You made it feel like you were in a movie, and that seemed to turn on something in your imagination that it allowed you to see things you might’ve missed.

“Spoonman”

I’m glad I reread Spotify the Gnostics. There’s so much to think about, sometimes I forget things. Like using your power of your muscles in a forceful way to general energy when the medicine is almost spent. It’s a big part of phonomancy, and I kind of forgot, I was just dancing. But when it’s you against resistance, you need that edge.

This ceremony ended being so spectacular I can’t believe there were large portions where I was like, “This is really sucking.” This is going in the annals of sucking. And it did indeed suck, but you worked hard and you earned the triumph you are now enjoying. Hard, but fun. Fuck it was hard.

Closing Thoughts

Not half an hour ago you had a stupendous experience of the numinous. And yet now you feel deep discouragement. For one sole reason: that money is not in your bank account yet. That’s the only thing. The only difference between me feeling like a whole new world has just opened for me, like Roy Neary at the end of Close Encounters when he enters the mothership and sees the celestial splendor that  awaits him.  That’s going to be you, Pa. And then you’re going to have a lot to do. It’ll be time to really get to work. When that event happens, you will be on the hook. You’re gone. It’s fucking go time. No takebacks, and no fucking it up. Not in the slightest. Because it’s a done deal, it’s going to beat Him—if you execute. If it all unfurls. And that’s all on me. That will be entirely on me and the way I handle that situation, that’s going to be the test. Of who I think I am and what it is that I’m to accomplish. Getting all this Resistance that looks like billowing camp tents, middle aged ladies clutching their hats to their heads in a high wind. Futility.

So watch out for your moods. If your mood subtly alters, what’s that about? Ask yourself. How do you want to feel? What do you need to do get there? I want to be relaxed. I want to be on the verge of laughing out loud. I want to feel as activated and alive as I would the moment I realized somebody I was really attracted to was also really attracted to me. I want to feel like that. Except that I’m going to supercharge my everyday life with that kind of wonder and hope.

That wish is being opposed by images of pages from a 1970s Sears mail order catalogue, middle aged men in golf slacks. Hilarious! And then the rats come back again.

I actually did something with them during “Turn to You” which was so great. I was seeing them everywhere. So I projected how I was feeling in that moment on them, so they could feel it, and it was too much for them, they vaporized in a white-hot wave of total, early 20s girlish on top of the world delight, just like I imagine the Go-Gos were feeling when they made that video. You’re feeling that, and in your imagination the Goddess is feeling that, and the more you concentrate, the more she does. It difficult to think about. She doesn’t exist until you imagine her into being. And yet of course, she is ever present. It’s paradoxical, but it’s true. I wonder what she does with her time? She spends time thinking about where she wants this whole movie to go. She’s waiting to see the strategies her kids come up with in response to the challenge she’s assigned, and it’ll incorporate that. But an ultimate level it’s all her design.

This universe and all the events that unfold within time are a finished sculpture. An object. And she shows it off to other universes. They check it out, make comments. And kid around. And they have a blast. ‘Cause how else could it be? It’s allllll gooood, man. What the fuck could be a problem if you’re a whole universe?

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I want to tell you about my approach to working with psychedelics, because I think I'm breaking new ground. If you or someone you know is working along similar lines, get in touch. I want to talk with you. For now, at least, I'm calling this approach "phonomancy," meaning "divination via sound." If you're a recreational user, it likely won't appeal to you. If you're someone who's dipping your toe in the psychedelic water via microdosing, or someone who is primarily interested in using psychedelics to treat trauma, depression, or addiction issues, you might find the practice I'm going to describe off-putting or even alarming. That's because phonomancy is not therapeutic--it's augmentative. It's a program for developing supranormal emotional and spiritual capacities via psychological hormesis. Some risk, pain, and fear are part of the process. But that's the price of transformation. THE ORIGINAL TWO "S

Ceremony Report #6 - The Divine Pygmalion

  Hey! Here's the report I filed for the phonomantic rite held on Sunday, May 30th, 2021.   And here is the transcription of my narration of my experience: “Up and Atom” This was noteworthy for two reasons. Before the song started, I was confronted with Resistance in the form of an African tribal deity. Its initial presentation was as a swarm of brown and black beads streaming out of the jungle. These resolved into tiny gorilla heads, and then these gathered into a massive ball that became the head of an idol. It was utterly opposed to me—it had something to do with racial grievance. And I engaged it and told it was right to be pissed, but that I would work to make things right. So I moved on, and in the context of working with the song , I started to see a white glow in the bottom periphery of my awareness. She was a sun. I could feel it roaring through. There was a sense that I was enclosing it, like a Dyson sphere, and I was absorbing as much of the energy as I could ta