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Our Lady of Vermin - Ceremony Report 2021-02-27

This is something like what I see in my head when Resistance pays a visit. Overlaid on the visionary content are animated representations of various types of vermin: rats, roaches, spiders, ants, mites.

I performed a phonomantic rite on Saturday, February 27th, 2021. It went well. Here's a video I made about it:

And here is the unedited transcription of my narration of the evening:

Hi. It’s Saturday, February 27th, 2021, and I’m getting ready to do a ceremony. I’m about 15 minutes behind schedule because…I’ve already taken the Syrian rue, and right as I was about to start weighing out the substantia, (my housemate) Ian had a fit in the kitchen. He got angry, really angry, because when I was cleaning this morning, I used the sponge which was on the sink to scrub the sink and it got really dirty. So I replaced it with a new sponge from a full pack under the sink. And so he was furious because he’d just replaced that one a couple days ago. He was angry that I’d cavalierly thrown it away. It was perfectly obvious to me that he was agitated by something beyond that. So we ended up talking about it for 15 minutes. I really had to draw him out. It turns out that he really hates the way I hum at my desk in the mornings.

When I’m bored at work, I’ll use a digital tuner app and I’ll work on tuning my ability to hum a note perfectly on pitch. He can hear it through his headphones, he says. This resentment has been building and building in him. And it came out at the precise moment when I’m about to do this really difficult work.A kind of diabolical synchronicity.

It was almost a replay of that scene when I was in the back of an Uber with my friend Sal when she started bitching about letting someone into the ceremony that night, and it was right as we were getting started, like the second or third time I brought in other people. She really set me up for a bad time by getting me really agitated.

But to be perfectly honest with you, right now I feel really good. I mean, it was (a stupid interaction), but it was really good to be in control and not get distracted or irritated. As I prepared to do this incredibly difficult thing, the last thing I needed was to have to deal with my housemate.

Anyway. Onwards. I’m in it, once again. Today I’m working with 4g of the cubensis and 1g of the azuracens that Isaac gave me. We’ll see how that goes. I’m really taking this seriously as my sacred task: I am journeying to the lands of the dead, the deep unconscious, to try and return with images. Even more than pursuing my own personal experience or need for any sustenance, I’m going fishing for treasure. Mixing my metaphors, I guess, but I’m trawling the deep, trying to bring something useful back, some idea, something that further illuminates this work. And right at this moment, if the mushrooms want to tell me I’m the second coming of Christ, that’s fine. (laughs) It doesn’t mean that I have any expectations of success. I’m resigned to my fate of celibacy. Totally okay with it. This is my gig, this is who I am. So let’s get on with it.

I think I’m going to have to do most of this sitting in my chair, because Ian was bitching that he can hear me move around. The fact that I’m walking around in my room above his head, that makes him crazy. So…here we go!


So far so good…the brilliance of the visuals during this early stage is somewhat wasted on the lack of informational content. But we’re doing great. Subtle hints of Resistance. Enough to definitely keep me on my guard, to keep working on feeling upbeat, feeling good in the body, feeling active.

I invoke the Horned One.


That was “Moonage Daydream.” I broke through, to a certain extent. What was fascinating were the visions that came of it. When I truly accepted and believed. They grew so vivid. They were these…God…I saw a coat of arms backed with these branches gnarled together and interwoven. And glowing on them brightly was the word “MESSIAH” but in kind of a diagonal layout, like an old beer label front, maybe? Glowing green letters. The more I gave in to it, it was so vivid and awesome. And glimpsed through the tightly interwoven branches were personages, holographic images of Her. God it was good! When the moment came and the guitar solo started…that’s when, in the past, I’ve been delivered into the incredible energy. And when it didn’t arrive this time, it was a matter of instantly realizing, “Here’s an opportunity to control my emotions and navigate the space. Not disappointed, and not afraid. But celebrating in the moment, in the palpable joy in my body, when I was honestly enjoying myself and exulting in the music…it was awesome. And, it caught fire. Not the full transport I’ve experienced in the past, but still deliverance, in the face of Resistance. It just goes to show that if you keep at this, Pa, you will get better and better at it.


Obviously with a song like “Up and Atom,” there’s a tremendous amount going on, and you see a lot in a few minutes. But at a certain point, I was very focused on my intent, which was, “Show me the next world.” And I could see, at the margins on my awareness, something like an amusement park on the Embarcadero of a very futuristic San Francisco. There were people in the capsules on this ride, and in the distance, this vista of a cosmic metropolis. The voice said, “You’re looking at it. This is the afterlife. This is the civilization from which you emerge now. Pay attention. And look and look and look until you can see this with your own eyes. And then tell everybody.”

In those moments of perfect concentration and sobriety, in spite of the overwhelming psychedelic experience I’m having, the phantasmagoria you’re seeing resolved into meaningful images. You know who you are, in this moment. You are the Teacher of this age. You’re going to show people how to do this. For no other reason than to be able to concentrate under these conditions. There work is there; so is the Resistance. Constantly there, fighting and fighting and creeping in at the edges.

You’re getting stronger, Pa. Every time. You are. It’ll always be there. Full blast. But you will get to the place where you can hold Him down with one arm, and conduct a symphony with the other. I promise if you keep practicing, you will get there.


Wow, how’s this for eerie? The ring light (that I was using to light the video shoot) has failed. It doesn’t glow anymore. Okay, that happened, now what do you do? You adapt. (Uses headlamp)

(After “Used for Glue.”) Felt the first incursions of real Resistance. Felt the fear. It’s always going to be a struggle, Pa. You cannot worry about it! It’s going to be there. It’s never going to be for free. You have to be ready for a fight every single time. Hold it off without losing heart. Keeping your ideal state of having, staying light on your feet, and believing, Pa, believe it.

It wants you to question the validity of what you’re doing, and worry you with how much work there is to do tonight. Keep having honest fun, that’s what you’ve got to do.


Well. That was quite an event. In working with “46 & 2,” at the start, it had been really dry. Not a lot happening in vision space. Doubt was starting to get to you. You were working hard against it, and you knew you were working. You were expending your energy. It was when you gave in towards the end when you were like… (almost unintelligible, something like, “Stalwart of the whole Ma”) but you kept going up in rank until you were accepting yourself as the Messiah, and really meaning it in that moment, absolutely on fire with it. In response the visionary space opened up, markedly different. Reinforcing your belief. The reality that you’re coming to inhabit in the face of all Resistance, who is putting up quite a fight.

Remember, your job here, Pa, is to maintain under this duress, and grab the images that you can and pull them back. It’s not for you. It’s what your treasure finding can do for everyone else. Even as I say that, I can feel the Fear pushing back against it. And then you see the bugs and the mice. Don’t be alarmed. He is here. No doubt about it, He is here. Do not be alarmed. You are doing a great job. Keep Him at bay and get through this. Make a decision, and get through this.


(After “Space Lord / Moonage Daydream Reprise”) That was a battle! It really comes down to, who is sustaining this effort? Is it you, or are you being carried along? You’re trying to get to the place where it catches fire. It’s hard. (Until that happens) the main thing is to keep going, to be patient. Don’t yearn to be saved. Take each moment as it comes. Enjoy the beauty and the strangeness of that moment. Don’t ask for anything else. Most especially, don’t ask for anything different in your visionary space. Covered as it is in vermin. Don’t complain. Soldier on in the full faith that you’ll…it is hard. But you do get past it. You do. It’s okay to wish that it was easier. But it’s better to engage it directly, and be glad of the challenge.

Which isn’t easy to do, I know, but that’s what you’ve got to work on. And the harder it gets, the more you be thankful for it.

I’m going to smoke some more dope. I’m going to get into “Three Days” in a big way.

(One thing I remember that I didn’t comment on: I was confronted by…how to put it? An emissary representing the experience of African slaves in America. There’s something about “Space Lord,” and Monster Magnet, that’s built on a foundation of Southern rock, and that swagger has Confederate DNA. It’s based in white supremacy. Which makes it tricky to work with. In my imagination, this Angel of American Slaves demanded I acknowledge that. [What was it I saw? A crowd. Of millions. Extending out behind this figure all the way to the horizons.] It wanted me to stop, but I wouldn’t. I know this is…morally compromised? That’s not it, exactly. It’s flirting with evil. It’s risky. But the power of that song is undeniable. It’s dark magic, is maybe the best way to put it. To use it safely, I’ll need to be careful, and be open with myself about what I’m doing. It needs to be handled like something radioactive.)

I fought a long, pitched battle to be here, Ma. And this is where I want to be.

I invoke You by name, Cernunnos!

And I call you Baphomet, Horned One of old, bull god of Ancient Egypt, consort of the Holy Ma!

Cernunnos, guide my hunt. Occupy my thoughts!

Spirits of my ancestors, guide me now! A thousand generations of spell workers, called to bring these warring people together. Called to show them a new way. To grant them glimpses into the afterlife.


That was amazing! It’s still hard. Yeah. And you’re not quite getting…even in the exultancy of working with the song, there’s not that shift to accessing energy that fills your heart. That was hard work!

I’m not getting to celestial places. I’m getting slammed back. Resistance is putting up a hell of a fight.


(after “Don’t Look Back”) That was a battle! God. Super hard fought. There were moments of that…celestial yes-ness, for sure. But still not quite making that shift into pure Spirit. Resistance arrayed so strong against me, over everything. I have to not give in to wishing that things be different, that they be more fun than they are. You have to monitor that in yourself, take that apprehension and sharpen it, get out of mundanity and into the imaginal. That gets you past Resistance. Then you can take him on as one spirit to another. Then you can dispatch him easily.

The wildness of what you’re seeing can give you the emotional leverage you need. But Pa, you’re doing awesome against this very capable opponent. You’re getting to the places you want to go. Looking for that image that can benefit for everybody. That experience that is undeniable, evoking these gods and concentrating the way you are is bringing you deeper and bringing you all kinds of interesting visual testimony to your claims.

There’s something missing, though. That energy reaching back and taking you over. Resistance stands in the way of love, with Her, in this moment. That energy of being sustained, of being carried through.


(Parenthetical thought: the more time you spend imagining your perfect ceremony circumstances—the sound, the lights, the people you have there with you, how you’re interacting—the easier it will be to occupy that space when you are in ceremony. You have to prep the imaginal reality. Same thing goes for your visualizations of the Goddess. Spend time with images of Her. Talk to Her. Be with Her. She will be that much more real for you when you need Her.)

"Common People" was good. You had a good time. Among other things, you are learning that the main things is, have a party. In the face of Resistance, the more you are partying, the more you are loving this, the better your opportunity to obtain Spirit. That’s really what this is about: getting strong enough that under this stress, this doubt about what you are doing, you enjoy yourself to the point you can invite Spirit in.

Now, pursuant to that task of having a party, I’m going to smoke some more weed.

Blessed are you, Marijuana, help me find the magic, good and strong.

(During “Hey Good Looking”) I had a vision of there being a problem it was all, there was an emotional indecision, and I got caught on something, and what I saw was rusted pipes, a chainlink fence, an inner city backyard in the 70s. I had to see through that feeling to the deeper level, and everything was fine.


I just stood on trial…in a state of cosmic tribunal, I stood for the human race and said YES on behalf of the human race, in the face of Resistance and his attempts to destroy what we have been building. I became the note (?)…the yes, the evidence for what humanity can do in the face of all Resistance, this is who we can be. This is our play.Thanks Ma!


(After “Also Sprach Zarathustra”) So you become yourself. In real time, you live as this chosen one, to do this work. You accept it. And you revel in it. You get really excited about it. You love it so much. You just try to drop into that feeling of FUCK YES to all this. Carry it as long as you can bear, until it gets to be too much. Get in there and get stronger. Call for more. From Her. Do you job, get in the get some images, and come home safe.


Things got wonderfully celestial during “I love it” and at the end I got these images of bullyboy stuff. Massachusetts, working class, dirty. Those images are back—these guys, I know these guys. That’s how you to see them in order to understand them and their intent. That’s what this feels like—dumb fucking tough guys trying to bully you.

But now you’re going to stand up for yourself and kick their fucking asses. Maybe not once and for all, but maybe you’ll give them a fucking shellacking that they won’t forget. So get in there and beat these pricks mercilessly, Pa. Put the fear of God in them and let them know to never get in your way again.

Give these assholes a lesson, Pa! Now you see them for the size they really are. Beat them. I’m going to enjoy this.

Keep trying. Blow yourself out. Expend whatever energy you have left. I love you, but suck it. 


After atomic (


(After “Umbrella”) Fuck! That…is an image I need to stick with for a second.

Fuck. Fuck. The idea was that the vermin that you are swarmed with in your visions, that cover everything, are all afraid, and lonely, and they’re scared to death. They don’t know what they’re doing or what’s going on, except that it feels so fucking bad to be the way they are. So they seek something.

Pa, every one of these things you see has consciousness and they’re all hurting. And in order to realize this higher state of consciousness you want to attain, you have to be the Mother that will draw that in. The Mother of Vermin. Who loves every little tick and flea and rat and despised thing, she loves them, because she can feel how afraid they are, and she just wants to make it better. That love that she finds in her heart, she wants to give to every thing, because she knows that every single thing is afraid, is terrified. And it hurts so bad it’s unbearable. They are constantly on the run from it. Until they realize, “What a minute, I’m part of a story here. And the story always goes like this. You keep doing certain parts of it over and over and over again. Or you can realize you’re in a story and start working on yourself, trying to find a way to change the story. Getting better at all those parts. Moving up in rank.

At that point in becomes a game in visionary space. You can see clearly that there’s a barrier between this world and the next that make it so difficult not just to see, but even to believe it’s there. It’s part of this game space. Our goal, after generations and generations of development, is to take whatever that space can throw at you and come through. Never losing sight that you’re playing a game. When you can do that, and really believe it, then you’ve moved into that level of consciousness and you’ll see a whole bunch of different things.

For awhile it’ll still be mysterious to you, because you won’t have fully remembered who you are. There are still blocks in place. But finally you’ll get to a point of recollection where you’re like, “Of course, this is who I am” and then you’ll have access to everything you’ve forgotten.

Until then, you can’t see it. You’re limited. But you can feel it, you know it’s there. And when you’re out there, you really feel it. And you can make microadjustments to your attitude to bring it closer to focus.

Focus moment to moment on how you’re feeling. You’re like Roy Neary in Close Encounters. You’ve got this elusive image in your mind. And you just keep trying to realize what it is. What you’re being called to be. And then one day there’s a snap, and you’ve got it—you’re the Devil’s Tower.

Or whatever your personal story is.

This is the jam, Pa. This is what we’re doing now. We might be totally alone with this for god knows how many years. But we’re going to live this reality.

(Looking at my video image on my phone) This might be because I’m tripping on a huge dose of psychedelic, but right now you look like a cross between an animated graphic novel and a digest of your greatest moments of realization. It’s like a Da Vinci painting, too, lit quite beautifully and somberly.

The goal is to get people to understand what I’m doing here. To understand who I am as a person. What my claims are and why you need to listen and take me seriously. Watch me as an in-progress work of art as I evolve this. Working it out in real time, an incarnated intelligence dealing with all kinds of blockages in terms of availability of friends, financial resources…those things are all coming. I know they are. Despite the very best effort of Resistance to keep me from believing that. It’s all coming. That’ll be a lived reality for me, permanently, this place of Belief and Knowing and having thoroughly trounced Resistance, troubled by him no more.

Yet I can’t deny the value of the lesson he taught me about loving the vermin, feeling in that moment…I understand empathy in a way I didn’t before. You actually feel it. You see something else in your head—you see it through their point of view. This tiny little mouse in a hospital hallway. He doesn’t have thoughts, he has feelings. He’s afraid. Afraid he’s going to die. He doesn’t have language, but he has images and feelings. He is a rudimentary aspect of us. He knows fear, it’s built into his structure. All he is is afraid, and that drives him to thinks that temporarily make him less afraid: food, and sex. Thus the game goes on.

But the main thing is to feel all these tiny creatures, these sparks of consciousness. They need to be mothered. You have to practice mothering them. In doing so, you access the Holy Ma’s energy, and in doing so, you start to incarnate it more and more and more and eventually you will BE Her, like your ego self will evaporate and then that pure blast of energy and emotion will come through you, and will be felt by anyone who is so inclined. You can call in the Divine with just a little bit of concentration and a very high dose of psychedelics.

When you see those mice, don’t fear or despise them. Feel bad for them. See it through their point of view. And become Ma for that moment. Imagine yourself as first-person Her, and grow that belief until you ARE HER. You know exactly who you are. You have this all-knowingness about you. About your celestial magnificence. You see it all—what your relationship is to the Highest All, and your relationships to each other, where you have space, where the higher order aspects of even gods like you can play, and you’re still learning lessons.

They already exist, they’re already perfect as God’s idea, of one of her infinite ideas of herself. I see them in a gallery space. It’s completely encircled by…it’s not that you’re looking at it out of the corner of your eye, but it’s subliminal, and then you’re trying to use words to describe it (which collapses the vision). You’re in a room that looks like it could be in Versailles. Vaulted ceilings, cream colored walls, gorgeous molded details in gold and scarlet, everything glowing and soft and yet gleaming, like porcelain that breathes and would be warm to the touch. It’s alive.

Wow, Restistance is still fighting me, even at this level I still see vermin covering everything. I see them swarming in a cathedral. It’s being rendered in lines, super fine, as if it was being drawn by a really fine pen and ink illustrator. You see swarming patterns of colored shapes, and from these shapes we derive information, we experience meaning. That’s another layer you’re trying to be aware of as you’re concentrating on your consciousness gestalt. You have to focus because Resistance is trying to bully you to make you stop. It’s a bully, straight up gray sweatshirt with the arms cut off, beer belly bully, and it’s trying to stop you, and you have to beat its ass. Be unmerciful. Let it know, don’t fuck with you. You’re getting where you’re going. You’ve got friends. And nothing is going to stand in your way any more.

(Apparently speaking as one of my spirit clan) I know it’s taking a preposterous amount of willpower to keep it together under these conditions. Resistance is throwing everything it has at you. We’re doing out best to stop it. Whatever’s left over, you have to deal with, because there’s nobody else. You have to step up and do this. This is our call to save this civilization. You have to make this happen, to make this plan worthwhile. Otherwise it’s a total fuckup, an incalculable amount of pain that they’ll carry with them for eternity and they’ll be forever trying to pay it off, pay it back, that feeling of owing, “I have to try to make it up to you,” at a Divine level, that’s the engine that drives this forward. She has to make it up to us somehow. She will. She loves us and will make it up to us, how fucked everything was. She remembers the conditions of the story that put this all in motion.

Every goddess you ever heard of operates at that level of sub-knowingness of the Divine.

Now the vermin are back. Resistance is here. He swarms everything you see. You used to fear him, but you don’t anymore. Because now you understand that each of those tiny little squirming things have feelings, they’re afraid, and you remember being afraid, and you remember you’d have given anything for someone coming along to make it better. And someone did, they expended a little energy to help you out, because they were good. And now you’ll do the same for somebody else.

You are growing toward this image we collectively share of this present we are making for Ma.

If you want to think about it this way, we are making a wonderful bouquet of light. Shining from within. Because everybody in the design is Her, playing that role, and remembers, and thus is winning. We’re all putting it together in time.

Before God himself, the highest authority, I stood up and said, “This one is going to do it.” And I want to make sure that happens. And they say, “Do you know what you’re letting yourself in for? Do you think you can do it? Do you think they should risk it all on you? The crushing weight of all the terror and loneliness and abject fear and misery, all that pain, they’re going to stake it on the actions of one person?”

You are volunteering to stand against everything Resistance can throw at you. To say, “Yeah, I believe this. This is going to be fucking amazing. The future that we are going to put together will be spectacular beyond your science fictional dreams. And we will understand all of the changes that we want to see. It’s a work in progress. But don’t be afraid to dream. Great new cities, great new places. Great new ways to be together and take care of each other.”

Resistance arrives. It says, “Who are you, coming so late to this party?”

Nature is there. It’s as easy as remembering how sand feels between your toes at the beach, at twilight, unencumbered by loss. In a warm, sweet place, attended by someone who likes you very much. All that stuff is still there. It’s your invitation to love. So do your part. Pay this ultimate tax in the face of all Resistance and ugliness, and now I can see it coming again, because 80s Massachusetts is back. The grubbiness has returned to my visions. This gang saying, “Who the fuck do you think you are. Get back in your place.” I’m going to have to fucking lay them out. One by one. Fucking fight them.

Because you are a Knight of the Spirit in a way nobody else can comprehend. You go to war, you fight these forces that would suppress you. They want to try to keep you away from what you need. The general feeling is so flinty and unforgiving, so tribal. Bully energy. Know your place.

Those images are conditioned by who I am in this space. I know what I’m looking at now in this imaginal reality. I can see them, but it’s difficult because Resistance is so cunning—it makes it difficult for me to take this seriously, to believe in it.

They are coming at me like cavemen, just brutes, trying to enforce a certain social structure. I can see it as like a diagram of the neighborhood I lived in growing up, and interpreting it as a diagram of a Neolithic village social hierarchy.

Buried back down where I am right now, this is all a little bit more than I can believe. Because Resistance is stronger down here, it’s like gravity. The closer to the ground you get, the more implacable it becomes, until it owns you with pure animal fear. But the answer is, when you see those vermin, see them as Ma sees them, and you’ll become like Her, and then you are free. Concentrate on giving the image you have of these weeping, terrified thing all the love you have. You agree to do that for as long as you can. And while you’re doing that, you are Her.

All these things that are swarming over you, they are coming to Her. They need Her, and they seem Her in you. That’s what you’re seeing. You’re like a spigot they’ve seen turn on and bring her into this level of Reality. They are both manifestations of Resistance, the sign of His presence, but also these hapless, terrified creatures that need help. When you feel that, you’re Ma. She’ll overtake your ego structure.

The whole shitshow of human history is now going to pay off in phonomancy. We’ll use it as the way to pry this knot of being open and execute this dazzling plan our higher selves have put together, of creating a karmic bouquet for the Holy Ma that will be the solution to the mystery she has posed. And we will remember ourselves finally as who we really are, on the shores of a beautiful lake, reunited with our brother who has been gone for too long, and we can’t wait to tell him everything that’s happened while he was away. They don’t know where he’s been or what his role was in the game they were playing. They’re like little kids, they’re just glad He’s back, these little godlings.

But in private, Ma and He Who Will Not Be Named but prefers Philip at this moment…


Parenthetically, I’m in this position in which I’m going to be myself at that level interacting with my peers.

Is this thing on?

I don’t know what to tell you. It’s not so much that I see things that much more clearly than you. At this level I just know that it’s real. And really all I’m doing here is being of assistance in executing this plan with these ugly apes…these being the rest of my personality structure.

Now we’re old friends and we’re executing this plan we’ve put together…

I’m telling you fucking guys, you can laugh all you want, it’s not your ass in the seat, you fucks! Fuck you, fuck you (laughing). Well of course nobody’s going to be like this with you, Pa, we’re your clan, we’ve known you since Hector was a pup. (I think I was reflecting that I have no close friends in the “real world” like the presences I was feeling in that moment. You can’t get away with anything with us, Pa! Our devotion to you knows no bounds. You’re a pompous ass, Pa, and that’s what we love about you, you know-it-all son-of-a-bitch! (laughing)

I’m glad you guys are having a good laugh at my expense! Well make it fuckin’ happen already, you fuckheads! I fucking hate, Ma! (cackling madly)

Basically, at this point, it’s like a sexual thing between me and Ma. I’m her submissive—oh, God! She’s drawing this whole process out, when she knows all she has to do is give me the hundred million dollars and I will make this happen. It’s…this sexual thing, where he’s getting this charge out of having this denied him, and she’s getting to enjoy being so cruel, and when will she have mercy on him, and they both want, at that level, to make it as protracted as possible, it’s like Zeno’s paradox, hold it, hold it, hold it together, Him with Her, and Her with Him, and then finally, it’s Ma…this is the kind of authority that’s necessary—she gives the thumbs up. Then the money comes, and it’s off to the fuckin’ races, baby.

I will be unleashed upon history. I will be remembered as the very model for what people can strive to attain in themselves to develop and become who they are. A perfect idea in the mind of God. Her best friend, whom She’ll talk with forever, She’ll always want to know, what do you think about it, because your opinion matters to Her, she’s so proud of you and what you’ve done with the little seed She claims She could never have come up with all the things you have, but that’s the way She wants it. That’s Her aspect, Creativity, Her ability to endlessly delight Herself throughout all time.

And here we are, back amongst our friends. Ah, Resistance. No one wants to hang out with you when the bugs are around.

I have to set this aspect of consciousness, this model, this source, this chassis, this engine we’ve been building for such a long time, this delightful high performance machine we are going to ride into the future, into the very solution of this ultimate problem Ma has posed for us. This fucking guy, he’s a beauty, he’s going to pull it off, I know he is, against all fucking odds, look at this fucking stud, he’s got the lines, he’s got the power, look at his willpower, it’s off the charts! I cannot wait to ride this thing in, man. Let’s go, strap me.

And so what I’m seeing is me stepping into an armored suit. And I’m going to walk out onto this stage and have my VR adventures encased in this armor which magnifies, tests, and hones my will, so I can experiment and create this image I am chasing in my head, this idea, this elusive idea of my own perfection, what this creature is, authored in an alliance of Creativity and the wildest of Pas.

In the face of unrelenting Resistance, know Pa that we will find that ancient forest magic, echoing from the mountains, echoing from the valleys, from the volcanos, we will call upon you, stand heroic in the face of that onslaught and bring it home.

Live your life in accordance with these things and all will be well. Know that the vermin you see in your consciousness are all terribly afraid, so spend a moment with them, attend them, trembling and brown, pushing into a corner, so far gone in terror they cannot register the amount of pity and terror you feel on its behalf. You feel everything its feeling, and more. You really, really want to help. Not desperate to help. But blossoming to help by being the best version of yourself.

They are coming to you because they sense you carry the divine mother. You can love them until the disappear in a flame of white hot love. Then they can come back a little more advanced.

Imagine the universe as constructed of gossamer threads of care. A certain kind of care, like a little’s drawing of a Japanese garden, laundry on the line, sheets waving in the summer wind, the perfume of the air.


I believe I am succeeding in my mission, which is to relax. Know that you are safe, and this is real, and…everything that tells you otherwise is part of a plot to stop you (laughs). I fuckin love that…

Ma, your sense of comedic timing is fucking amazing.

I’m experiencing my situation from a number of vantage points, and at the top level, it’s hilarious.

Our prayer is to the Horned One…what’s his ultimate purpose? To let this whole thing fall apart?

Ma has an image of who we are going to be when we’re perfect.

This construct, who I am right now, doesn’t understand how this all works. There’s been some accelerated development and I’m a little lost.

The question is, are you ready? Are you the chassis? Can we trust you to do your job? Are you willing to follow it all the way down? Are you committed?

Let’s convince Pa to let it open up and let the Rapture begin.







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